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Post by Sean on Jan 9, 2005 22:26:32 GMT -5
thought a thread for posting essays so we can help eachother proof read if you want. offer comments etc.
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Post by Sean on Jan 9, 2005 22:27:11 GMT -5
"Given the changing world events during your high school years, where do you think the United States will find itself in 50 years? How might influences like terrorism, the changing relationships among nations, and emergence of new global powers affect the U.S.?"
Following World War I America was forced to leave its shell created by the Monroe Doctrine and to embrace world affairs. To that challenge America established itself not only as a world power but also as a world leader. Today with concerns and events such as terrorism, an expanded international community, and changing relations between nations, to name a few, United States leadership will be critical in facing the challenges of the world of tomorrow. The United States, with its commitment to human rights, universal education, and democratic values, has much to draw upon so long as we don’t become insular in our worldviews. A critical ingredient to the strength of our future leadership comes from the fact that the United States is a country whose people have origins from around the world. We are a nation of immigrants and are able to draw upon the synergy created by the wisdom, talents and energy of people from many cultures and origins.
September 11 was a wake up call for not just the United States, but for the world. Clashes in religious perspectives, along with economic disparities, and lifestyle differences in the world took on a fearful aspect as terrorism became a chosen route to undermine the current world order. It showed us how vulnerable we were to hostile intentions toward our country. We became acutely aware of the many loopholes in our national security that were in need of being addressed. While some issues were addressed properly to prevent another 9-11 attack, we quickly passed the Patriot Act which gave broad powers to the Administration without sufficient oversight. In doing so, we made mistakes in compromising important freedoms we paradoxically were trying to protect by hasty, shortsighted solutions. For instance, never before had we sanctioned the FBI to be able to engage in domestic surveillance of political institutions. I believe that in 50 years we will see many articles of the Patriot Act modified to protect our rights and the American way of life, rather than to protect some of our rights while failing to protect others in the name of “security.”
The expanding influence of countries such as China, India, Israel and other rising powers will help further the cause of global cooperation. This cooperation will not only be an effective tool in fighting terrorism but will develop mutual economic prosperity. Their influence will surface new ideas on efficiency, living standards and cultural tolerance. I believe that the U.S. will become more coequal in the international community rather than being a dominant singular superpower. It has been common practice that America sets the policies for other countries to follow rather than having other countries set the policies for us. In time, however, the U.S. political and economic leaders will be forced to resolve global issues in multinational and regional efforts.
Recently there have been strained relationships between the U.S. and some of its allies. I do not believe that there will ever be open hostility between the U.S. and its current allies although I do believe that there may be a period in which the United States does not rely upon them as we had in the past. Instead we will form new economic alliances with smaller nations as we will need markets for our products and they will need investment from our businesses. In time we will begin rebuilding our relationships with our former allies and increase trade between them and us.
Many see the United States’ future as being grim in light of the current terrorist activities, along with the other dramatic changes in power and relations. The immediate future may be chaotic and confusing as we’re still trying to figure out what is best for the United States. However within 50-60 years the United States will redefine itself in a coalition of nations in the world, and draw upon the diverse fabric of its cultures, languages, and immigrants who make up the American landscape.
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Post by Eskinner on Jan 11, 2005 7:01:31 GMT -5
Looks pretty good for me. What parts are you looking for feedback on?
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Post by ean on Jan 11, 2005 17:53:37 GMT -5
its terrible, you need some serious help...  |
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Post by gunitsoldier on Jan 11, 2005 19:54:03 GMT -5
I would say that the essay is very well written, however you could probably explain a little bit more on what you think the U.S. will be like in 50 years since you mentioned more about what will cause what the US will be and not as much about what our country will be
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Post by gunitsoldier on Jan 11, 2005 19:57:56 GMT -5
On another note, Ean could you please remove the "first person to cheat on a run" title above my name because i am not the first person to ever cheat on a run and technically it is hard to define what is called cheating because with the second "shortcut" i took o probably actually increased the length of my run therefore negating any prior "cheating" But if you still insist on calling me the first cheater it would be more accurate to say:
"officially the first person to cheat on a run this winter since we started counting who cheats on runs this winter"
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Post by SaundersPonders on Jan 11, 2005 20:00:02 GMT -5
I agree with [shadow=Maroon,left,300][glow=blue,2,300]inBetween[/glow][/shadow] question isn't answered until the conclusion, not a very good way to do that, but the support is more than enough
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Post by gunitsoldier on Jan 11, 2005 20:01:58 GMT -5
Yeah i meant that the support was good but i didnt like how he waited so long to give any answer to the question because that caused disintrest to me while i was reading it
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Post by SaundersPonders on Jan 11, 2005 20:15:36 GMT -5
and also hackbart off-thread related, but your quote is techincally wrong, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but the fastest way isn't alway such, lets use for example a perfectly straight angled slope vs a exponetial slope, rolling a ball doing the exponetial slope while covering more distance would be faster, where as shorter distance on a linear slope will not be as fast getting from the same start to end. Meh
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Post by gunitsoldier on Jan 11, 2005 21:15:30 GMT -5
Im extremely sorry saunder but do not fear for my quote is now politically correct
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Post by ean on Jan 11, 2005 21:30:34 GMT -5
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Post by SaundersPonders on Jan 11, 2005 23:12:18 GMT -5
Im extremely sorry saunder but do not fear for my quote is now politically correct ;D WoOt WOoT !! |
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Post by SaundersPonders on Jan 12, 2005 18:34:01 GMT -5
Dan, not to undermine everything you said, which I completely would agree with, is the skeleton of a perfect 5 para essay
But i'm assuming sean's essay is supposed to be for a college app essay or something, where, in quite several cases they don't expect an elaborate 5 para essay, but then again I'm not too sure
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Mike
New Member
Posts: 44
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Post by Mike on Jan 13, 2005 20:12:51 GMT -5
I'm in A.P. composition. For the past week, actually probalby month, my teacher had been saying that the five paragraph form is elementary. SHe hates it and anytime she sees us using it she gets angry. Although i haven't read seans essay (looked like too much work), i think it's alright and maybe good to vary from the 5 paragraph form for college essays. Yes, they should still be structured, but the 5 paragraph form is pretty boring........ My Ap comp teacher may be crazy, but that's just what she thinks about the 5 paragraph form.
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Post by SaundersPonders on Jan 13, 2005 22:10:33 GMT -5
I'm curious, just a brief blurb on it?
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